


The Bros of Samwell Men's Hockey v. William J. Poindexter (2016)

by sapphee



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Locker Room, M/M, Samwell Hockey Court, Senior Jury of Captains and Managers, there's also some Holsom but that was only a tiny bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-22 23:28:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8305402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphee/pseuds/sapphee
Summary: Lardo points her stick at them all. "One more word spoken out of turn, and I'll charge you with contempt. Or maybe I'll just disband the Samwell Hockey Court. That's probably easier." She turns to Holster. "Birkholtz, the case.""Ah yes, Your Honor. This would be Docket #42069691337, or Bros of Samwell Men's Hockey v. Sir William Dexford of Poindexters. Your Honor, Dexfield was spotted in the vicinity of the Sin Bin when the Samwell Hockey Court was not in session," Holster says, pacing the room dramatically. Ransom continues for him. "What's more is as follows—he was observed to be  putting money in the Sin Bin when he has not committed any punishable offenses in four months."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Ngozi for Check Please and I hope you enjoy!

"What's today's case?" Lardo says, slapping a hockey stick against her palm. She yawns.

Holster puts Dex down, grimacing as he rotates his shoulders. "Shit, Dex, you're heavy."

"Like I _said_ , you didn't have to carry me. I would've come with you if you'd just _asked_."

"You didn't look like it."

"I literally just came out of the shower when I bumped into you _standing right in front of my stall and nearly dropped my towel._ If you'd waited two seconds for me to figure out what was going on, I would have calmly told you I needed five minutes to put my clothes on and not ended up bumping my head several times as I tried to put on pants while in a bridal carry."

"But being carried like that is the best thing in the world?" Ransom says, confused. "Like, do you know how fucking rare it is that a six-foot-two person can be carried that way? Holster is a fucking treasure, Dex."

"Yeah, Dex," Holster agrees, folding his arms across his chest. "I'm a fucking treasure."

"Order, order in the court," Lardo announces, though she doesn't try too hard to get their attention. She's definitely content with playing Tsum Tsum to level up all her ducks.

"Wait," Tango says. "Is that my stick?"

"This is what you get for leaving your equipment unattended. Also, Chowder is no longer letting me borrow his, so." Lardo continues swiping at her phone. "At least Rans finally got me a legit gavel."

"That's not as reassuring as you think it is," Tango says, eying the way she's been tapping it on the ground as she plays with her phone.

"Speaking of reassuring, can my fellow colleagues on the Senior Jury of Captains and Managers please stop making out and tell me about the case?"

Tango winces when she uses his hockey stick to poke Holster's hip.

"What's the case today, and where is everyone else?"

"I'm here!" Bitty says, running in. "What's going on?"

"Sorry," Holster says, looking flustered as he drops a dollar in the Sin Bin. "Anyway, the case for today. Docket #42069691337—"

"Do you always have to say that?" Tango asks. "All of the cases are literally named that."

"You just have to let them be," Bitty says to him, patting his shoulder. "It's better this way."

_"Yes."_

"It's concerning how you do that," Whiskey says as he walks in. "Did you have to practice that? Is this what you do in the attic all day?"

"No," Ransom and Holster say simultaneously. "There's—"

"—the case," Lardo snaps. "What is it."

"Yeah, and why are Dex's ears red," Tango asks.

"Thank you for not using my hockey stick," Chowder says to Lardo, as he enters and takes a seat on the bench next to Bitty. "Should we wait for Nursey?"

"I don't care enough to do that," Lardo says, right as Dex says, "Let's not wait for Nursey."

They exchange a glance, and Dex turns even redder.

"But shouldn't—"

Lardo points her stick at them all. "One more word spoken out of turn, and I'll charge you with contempt. Or maybe I'll just disband the Samwell Hockey Court. That's probably easier." She turns to Holster. "Birkholtz, the case."

"Ah yes, Your Honor. This would be Docket #42069691337, or _Bros of Samwell Men's Hockey v. Sir William Dexford of Poindexters._ Your Honor, Dexfield was spotted in the vicinity of the Sin Bin when the Samwell Hockey Court was not in session," Holster says, pacing the room dramatically.

Ransom continues for him. "What's more is as follows—he was observed to be _putting money in the Sin Bin when he has not committed any punishable offenses in four months_."

A collective gasp arises from the whole room, before everyone raises an eyebrow at Dex.

"Oh yeah, he and Nursey stopped fighting," Chowder says. "How did I not notice that?"

"Dex, is this true?" Lardo asks.

Dex sighs. "Yeah."

Holster and Ransom clear their throats.

"Your Honor," Dex adds hastily. "Yes, I have been putting money in the jar even though I haven't gotten fined for a while."

"Since forever," Bitty mutters, as he counts out five dollars for the jar.

"Can I ask why?" Lardo says.

Dex is so red that Holster's walked over to the fire extinguisher (despite Ransom growing increasingly tense the closer Holster gets to it), just in case he does actually spontaneous combust. "It's because I've been homophobic," he blurts out.

"Um, no?" Bitty says. "You definitely haven't been, and ever since Whiskey stopped hanging out with the Chads, he's stopped, too."

"We stopped having classes together," Whiskey shrugs.

"Yes, I have," Dex says, gritting his teeth. "I've been being a dick to Nursey. As we all know, he's been going out with some guy from the soccer team, and it literally makes me sick to the stomach to see them together. It makes me want to vomit. And angry. I get this urge to punch something. I didn't think I could be this homophobic, even back when I was still a Republican. Shitty talked a lot about straight privilege, so I knew there'd be times when I'd forget that I had that, but I never thought I'd be so overtly prejudiced."

Dex is so busy looking at the floor while he talks that he misses how everyone exchanges glances with everyone else.

"Sometimes we meet up for homework, and he gets there before me, and there isn't even any PDA, like, they're just holding hands? But I get so mad when I see them together. I don't want to physically recoil every time I see two guys hugging or holding hands. But I do. I'm disgusted at myself for not being tolerant and stuff." He looks miserable. "So I thought I'd try to repent or something, by putting money in the jar. If anything, it's not like I can actually afford to put in that much money, so this is actually negative reinforcement for being homophobic. Like, I literally can't afford to be homophobic. Financially, but also because then I'd lose Nursey as a friend. And I don't want that to happen."

"Oh, _Dex_ ," Bitty says, looking like he's about to cry.

Meanwhile, Chowder has already leapt up to hug Dex.

"Please don't, C," Dex says. "I don't deserve your sympathy."

"Wait," Tango says. "Do you have a problem with Bitty?"

"No, of course not," Dex says. "But it's not like I see him with a boyfriend all over him all the time."

Bitty sits up straight. "But Dex, you'd be fine if I did hang out with my boyfriend in front of you. If I had one, I mean."

Dex narrows his eyes. "What are you getting at?"

"Do you have a problem with me and Ransom?" Holster asks. " _We_ actually are all over each other all the time."

"Yeah," Ransom says slowly, absentmindedly bumping fists with Holster. "Dex, you're not homophobic."

"What? Yes, I am! How else can you explain why I throw up a little in my mouth every time I see them together? Maybe I'm just okay with you guys because I know you, and we became friends before I learned you were dating, which is why my homophobia seems to be specific to Nursey's relationships."

"I actually have been homophobic and had my homophobic opinions and behaviors laid out to me in detail during that Harvard dude's team-mandated sensitivity training," Whiskey says. "This is _not_ homophobic behavior."

"I don't know what you're trying to pull here, but I'm not going to fall for it. You think just because I come from a conservative, religious small town in rural Maine that I can't see how I've been acting for what it is? Were you going to make fun of me later for how gullible I was for believing you?" Dex clenches his fists. "Fuck you, I'm out of here."

"Dex, wait," Lardo says gently. "What everyone's trying to get at, while trying to say it in the most tactful way possible so that nobody freaks you out, is that you're forgetting something very important."

"What."

"Him going out with Soccer Guy isn't the only time you've gotten pissed at Nursey," Chowder says slowly. "There was the Halloween kegster, when he was making out with that girl dressed as a sexy nurse—"

"—because they were blocking my way to the kitchen, and I wanted pie—"

"—and the time you stormed off loudly when a girl from Nursey's poetry workshop came to talk to him in the library—"

"—because they were distracting me from my homework! I needed to get it d—"

"—and the time you got mad at all of Nursey's fans asking if he was on the back of the fall schedule," Chowder continues, undeterred.

"Those fans were guys, gals, and nonbinary pals," Ransom pipes up helpfully. "You're not homophobic, dude. You're jealous."

"Hey," Bitty says gently, after the silence hasn't been broken for two minutes. "You okay, Dex?"

"Considering I just had my gay awakening in front of the whole team?" Dex laughs shakily. "Actually... yeah."

"Does that mean we can call it your gaywakening?" Holster asks.

Lardo frowns. "Not the time or place, bro."

"No, it's okay," Dex says, wiping at an eye. "It makes sense? I was never all that interested in girls? I think... I think I knew deep inside what was going on, but I didn't want to deal with it, so I just ignored it. But now I've dealt with it, and I wasn't alone, so... thanks. I'm not sure what to do now."

"Get the boy, duh," says Tango. Everyone looks at him. "What? So maybe I also like a boy and there are no hopes of him liking me back. Just let me live vicariously."

"Never fall for a straight boy," Bitty says sagely.

"Hm," says Whiskey.

"But Nursey's not straight. He's pan! You have a chance!" Chowder says.

"More than a chance," Ransom scoffs. "It's, like, a certainty."

"What?" Dex asks. There's a little smile threatening to overtake his entire face. "You think so?" Then it dims. "But he's dating Soccer Guy."

"If I had a dime for how many times I've accidentally gotten in the middle of your sexual tension, I'd be rich," Chowder tells him. "Trust me."

"'Swawesome," Lardo says, clanking her gavel against a locker (for some reason, Fry Guy has a locker here, and... whoops). "So it's settled. Dex, go kiss the boy. Court adjourned."

There are footsteps coming down the hallway, as well as a duffel bag that gets plopped down at the bench and a Nursey that trips over the bag and lands in Bitty's, Whiskey's, and Tango's laps. He somehow winds up on the floor disentangling himself from their limbs before he nonchalantly takes a seat.

"Sorry, was in the shower, and somebody took my clothes? Took me forever to find them, but it's chill. Maybe it was the ghosts."

Everyone but Nursey exchanges glances with everyone else.

"There are no ghosts," Ransom says finally, breaking the silence. When he speaks next, he sounds strained. "Anyway, we just finished. We made some mistakes with the fining, so Dex is actually owed money."

"Sweet," Nursey says, turning to Dex, who's since taken a seat at the opposite end of the bench. "Why? You haven't been fined in, like, four months."

"No reason," Holster says. "We should get to lunch. There's chicken tenders today."

Nursey looks around. "Even when court's in session and someone's not here, you usually fill them in. What's going on?"

Whiskey turns to Tango. "I have since realized that I had some internalized homophobia going on and that I couldn't reconcile my being gay with who I thought I was. Want to go out?"

"Um, _yes_ ," Tango says. "And this is for real, in addition to being a diversion, right? Because while I'll still go along with it because we have each other's backs—"

Whiskey grabs Tango's hand and kisses his cheek. "It's real."

"Aaaaaaaaaand. You. Are. Fined!" Holster and Ransom exclaim, looking relieved.

"So now that we're done, why don't we go back to the Haus, and I'll bake y'all a celebration pie?" Bitty says, standing up, giving everyone a _We should leave right now_ glare. "I'm thinking blueberry?"

"Or apple," Tango says, and everyone groans, because Bitty's made maple sugar crusted apple pie for the last two weeks now, ever since he had a whoopie pie at Jerry's.

Everyone gives Dex a Look as they all exit the locker room.

Nursey climbs over the bench to plop down next to Dex and sling an arm around Dex's shoulders. "Is it just me, or are they acting weird?"

Dex laughs. "They're always weird."

"Okay, true, but this was weirder than usual, you have to admit."

"It's nothing. We should get going for lunch. Don't want to keep Soccer Guy waiting."

"That's not his name, and it's fine," Nursey says. "We broke up last week."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Nah, it's chill. We both knew it wasn't going anywhere."

"I see. Great," Dex says, as he slings his duffel bag over his shoulder and picks up Nursey's for him. He starts walking, but Nursey doesn't follow.

"Don't you want to know why?"

"It's not my business, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Dex shrugs.

"But I do." Nursey comes closer, takes the bags from him, and puts them down. "I know you didn't like him."

"So you did it because of me? What the fuck, Nurse."

"I did it because I would've much rather been spending time with you."

Dex swallows. "Oh."

Nursey sighs. "We're so much closer now than last year, yeah? Like, we hang out, and we actually have fun. We don't fight anymore. Or at least, until I started going out with Soccer Guy. And I'd rather have your friendship than piss you off by hanging out with a guy I didn't really want to be with, anyway."

"What if... I don't?"

"Don't what?"

"Don't want to have your friendship." Dex hastily puts his hands on Nursey's shoulders before he can run away, but fuck, Nursey's face is crumpling and now quickly taking on that chill facade again. "Because I want something else. In addition to it."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying," Dex begins, taking a deep breath, "I hated Soccer Guy and got pissed off when I saw you two together because I wanted to be in Soccer Guy's place."

"Oh." After a moment, Nursey says, _"Oh."_

Dex lets go. His face is so red, yet again. "Sorry. I just made everything awkward."

Dex turns, bending slightly to pick up their bags. He'll just quickly bring these to the washing machines, grab lunch for ~~hiding~~ eating in his room, and text Chowder to help him check for when he can come back for his stuff, because for right now, he just needs to get away.

"Dex," Nursey says. He puts a hand on Dex's shoulder. When Dex turns, Nursey cups his face in his hands and kisses him.

In his shock, Dex drops both bags. On Nursey's feet.

They're quiet for a full second, eyes on each other. Then they start giggling, and kiss again, this time against a locker (sorry, Fry Guy).

—

After lunch, the Senior Jury of Captains and Managers returns to the locker room to do the final calculations for this week's Sin Bin fines. They find Nursey and Dex still there, Dex still pinned against Fry Guy's locker and covered in hickeys. Upon closer examination, Nursey is similarly covered in hickeys.

Ransom grins. "I have never been happier to announce that Dexiliam has officially broken his four-month streak. Pay up, Dexman."

"Gladly," Dex says, smiling.

"Also, locker room shenanigans are prohibited... because of yours truly!" Holster says. "So if you're going to brone, please do it safely and elsewhere."

"And stop paying fines when you haven't actually been fined," Lardo says. "I don't want to have to relive today's drama."

Nursey raises a perfectly curved eyebrow at him.

Dex sighs. "It's kind of a weird story."

—

[Somewhere far away, Johnson wants you to know that that's what he would have said about this, too.]

**Author's Note:**

> Omgcp sideblog: omgcphee  
> 


End file.
